Dealing with medical anxiety as a mom – 3 ways to cope

My experience

As a mom who has lived with and currently lives with medical anxiety, raising a tiny human has challenges in ways I wasn’t expecting. You hear about all of the common challenges that parents often encounter like, sleep deprivation, breast feeding challenges, colicky babies etc but so far in the 16 months I have been a mom, my two biggest challenges have been medical anxiety and starting solid foods (more on this one later).

Now you may be thinking- you said you’ve always lived with medical anxiety so why are these challenges coming as a surprise to you? What a great question, I’m glad you asked! To put it simply, my medical anxiety has always been a very self centered issue. I have suffered from emetophobia since the young age of 9 and definitely suffer from the chronic illness called “googling your symptoms and jumping to extreme conclusions about having diseases or life threatening illnesses” to this day. Even at the big age of 30, if someone mentions that they feel even the slightest bit under the weather, my body will quite literally start making myself feel ill because somehow I have already subconsciously convinced myself that I have caught whatever illness that person may or may not have. I know, it’s crazy. But I also know, these fears are more common than I once thought. So, I thought it would be helpful to share my experiences and how I cope, in hopes that someone else may benefit.

Now on the other hand, when it comes to the people in my life, the more rational side of my brain fires on all cylinders. If a friend or family member started vigorously googling their symptoms, I would confidently give them 10 reasons why they should stop but when it comes to me, it seems like there’s nothing I can tell myself that will stop these fingers from typing away into the deep dark hole of Dr. Google.

So, because my child isn’t me, and perhaps because of my naïveté, when I slipped into a very, very intense journey of post partum anxiety, I was shocked.

Now my intention is not for this to be another avenue for others who may face the same challenges to spiral or unlock new fears. But I would love to offer some of the coping mechanisms that I have found helpful in case medical anxiety, specifically regarding your baby, is something you’re dealing with.

When my daughter was just 5 days old, and I was already deep in my post partum anxiety, I convinced myself that she was not getting enough oxygen and took her into the emergency room. Now let me STOP you for one second before you read on. I absolutely, positively ALWAYS recommend erring on the side of caution when it comes to your children, specifically your infant children. But, I wanted to share this story so you can visualize the level of anxiety I deal with.

Around the last few weeks of my pregnancy (September) my instagram started to flood with posts about RSV and how to tell if your baby is struggling to breath. I would land on videos of precious babies who were laying in hospital beds and their bellies were dropping well below their ribs trying to breathe. It was causing me to spiral out of control. All of these horrible videos and instagram influencers who were “just trying to help” by posting videos of their precious babies struggling, led me to believe that my baby was just destined to have this happen to them. The internet is such a dangerous place for vulnerable, anxious, first time moms like myself.

Anyways, I had somehow convinced myself that my daughters skin looked purple. I now know that babies circulatory systems are under developed when they are first born and that it’s actually quite common for them to look a little blotchy in their first few weeks of life but at the time, I was absolutely certain that it was an emergency. To my surprise, when I walked up to triage, the first thing the intake nurse said to me was “wow what a beautiful, healthy looking baby you have. What brings you in?” I immediately felt silly. I still voiced my concern, the nurse checked her out and said she felt confident that my daughter was just fine and that I could wait to see a doctor if I chose to but that he didn’t personally think it was necessary. I ultimately went home. Do I regret going to the ER? It depends on the day. Like I said before, I think it’s always best to err on the side of caution BUT, now looking back, if I could have just taken a few minutes to regroup and use some of the tactics I use now to cope, I could have skipped the trip to emerge.

So, hopefully that example gives you a visual of what kind of conclusions my mind easily jumps to. In short, I thought my healthy, beautiful new baby girl was fragile, destined to get critically ill at any moments notice and on the verge of death at all times when in reality, it was quite the opposite.

So, if you’re anything like me, which if you have gotten to this part of the post, I would assume you may have dealt with some sort of anxiety at some point, here are some of the ways I cope!

Coping With Medical Anxiety (or any kind) – How?

Surround yourself with other moms.

This one may sound obvious to some and also impossible to others. Personally, I found this tactic one of the most challenging while also being one of the most beneficial. Let me explain why.

When you’re deep in the middle of anxiety, often times we have the instinct to retreat. To pull away and to isolate ourselves. In my experience, I was quite literally only sleeping for 30 minutes at a time for the first few weeks of motherhood, so socializing was not something I felt up to doing a good 99% of the time. That being said, the few times I mustered up the courage to invite a few other moms, particularly moms who had babies within a few months of mine, I automatically felt a sense of relief.

Having the chance to talk to other moms about your challenges, see other babies making the same jerky movements and funny faces and hearing that your baby isn’t the only one that has the occasional green poo can really help ease your fears and anxieties. The truth is, when I was around other moms and babies, my mind was able to stop fixating on my own baby for even just moments at a time and focus on creating friendships and sharing experiences. Even if I was able to distract myself for only one hour a week visiting with a mom friend, it really did wonders for me. So, although at times I would feel like bailing or backing out of my plans last minute, I pushed myself to get together as much as possible and it really, really helped.

Now, if getting together in person with other moms just isn’t possible (although I do highly recommend this over online), online can be the next best option. What I do not recommend is joining specific mom groups that can/will fuel your fears. I joined a baby led weaning facebook group thinking that it would help ease my fears and it did the exact opposite. What I recommend is reaching out individually to a mom you know or a mom you’d like to get to know better. Chat with them 1-1 OR join a general mom group and start conversations that way. The bottom line is that connection is so, so important as a new mom. We’re all in this together and we most likely have similar fears and anxieties so connecting and sharing tips and helpful information goes such a long way.

Remind yourself that the majority of babies are born in good health.

This one always makes me feel a little uneasy sharing because I understand that there are tons of mothers who unfortunately deal with health issues with their littles. I can not imagine that situation and feel so grateful that, that is not my reality. That being said, if you are a mother who deals with that then the type of medical anxiety or anxiety that you are dealing with is very different than the one I do and therefore these tips may not be applicable.

I think it’s important to know that western medicine operates on a “Proactive” mentality and not a “Reactive” one. Now, no matter what your opinion of that is, what that means in simple terms is they like to treat things before they happen “in case” they happen instead of treating things once they happen. You most likely experienced this in some way while giving birth, whether you realized it or not. For example, my water had a small leak two days before I gave birth. It didn’t fully rupture but just in case, I was put on a timeline and was told I HAD to give birth or else both me and the baby were at risk for infection. I share this because I think it is important to note that – COULD we have had an infection if you wait to long to give birth after your water breaks. YES. Does that mean that we WOULD get an infection- NO. But, the nurses wanted to give me a bunch of antibiotics for infection even though there was no infection. It turns out in my scenario, I had a double lining on my uterus and my water actually broke while I was pushing so that whole time there actually wasn’t any risk for infection. I am glad I refused the antibiotics.

So why is that story relevant? It is not to say don’t trust your doctors or to say that they are wrong. That is how they are trained and in some cases, it is better to be safe than sorry BUT there is a lot of unintentional and unnecessary fear drilled in to moms when in fact the majority of babies are born perfectly healthy with no intervention needed. This mentality can subconsciously create the misconception that the bad is inevitable. That you are destined to be sick or have complications. The reality is, it is more often than not, the opposite.

The tactic is just to remind yourself of this whenever you might be feeling like your baby is destined to be sick or there is something innately wrong. Journaling, and writing down the same sentences really helps me. These are the ones I use.

Allow others to help

This one is by far the hardest for me. My fears were so intense that I had and still have trouble allowing even my husband and my mother to help care for my baby. The stress that this can put (what I would say) are the most important relationships you have during your post partum season is very heavy. I’ve come a long way but I will admit, this one is still a challenge for me.

Because I was so afraid that if I let my tiny human out of my arms or sight for even a fraction of a second something bad would happen, I missed out on a lot of sleep and a lot of help that my family members were more than willing to give me. I was uncomfortable with anyone other than me bathing my child in fear she might drown. I was uncomfortable with taking a nap because I didn’t trust that my family members would watch to see that she was still breathing at all times. I know, anxiety is a wild thing. These fears seem so irrational to the average person and even to me as I write them out but trust me, they absolutely take over your brain in the moment.

If this is something that you’re also struggling with a tactic that may help is to set a timer. Start with 30 minutes. Just go into a different room and set your timer. Take a bath or lay down on your bed and just give yourself that time to do anything other than stare at your perfect baby.

So, this one is one I am still learning myself but I know the importance of it. It is SO important to allow those people in your life to help. Take the nap even if its 30 minutes. Even if you can’t actually fall asleep, just rest alone and put your head on a pillow. Your baby will survive. In fact, they will more than just survive, they will benefit from the love that others are also capable of giving them.

I know that anxiety can be such a troubling part of our lives. Especially when it happens to be connecting to your motherhood experience. If there is anything that this article does, I hope it gives you a small sense of connection. I hope you can read this and know that your fears are not unheard of. I hope that you know you’re not the only one going through it and that it will get better with time. It is so important to try different coping tactics and to remember that even if you deal with any sort of anxiety, you are still the best mother you can be. Your baby chose you to be their mom and you are more than capable.

If you’re looking to join a community of other moms, form connections and be create friendships come and join the Somebodysmama Facebook group. We’d love to have you.